where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I touched a dick in church today
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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