I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
