Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
