Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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