my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
