I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
