I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
