I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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