my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
