I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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