What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
