there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i need some magic done to my vagina
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
