so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
