the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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