One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
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No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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