He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
