Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar