That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
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the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.