It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.