Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine