The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.