I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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