You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
