can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So apparently I’m into choking now
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