I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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