we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
