all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
