4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I didn't shave. On purpose
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
