She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
