when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
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I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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