Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
