if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
