Can Purell be used as lube?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
