I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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