Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
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I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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