I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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