Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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