i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
