Your dad touched me again.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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