this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
