shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
