oh god the rape fog is back!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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