I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
