All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the raccoons are back...
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