she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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