I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize