We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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