The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
