Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
