I want to walk on stilts...naked
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
we should paint friendship bongs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
