so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
