So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
