Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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