I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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