I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
