You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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