hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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