it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
