My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
