This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
